If there’s one place you want to be heckled, cajoled or even physically threatened, it’s the Long Room at Lord’s.
That’s an easy place to feel tough, I’d have thought. If you’re going to get it on like Donkey Kong, you’d feel comfortable among the throng of old, white-haired men bursting from their egg-and-bacon blazers.
As the Australians walked through the Long Room at lunch on the final day of another epic Ashes contest, Marylebone Cricket Club members were broiling for a fight, bellowing “cheat” and “same old Aussies” at the visitors. Others felt the need to make physical contact. Charming.
According to those present, Usman Khawaja attempted a brief, respectful discussion. His opening partner, David Warner, couldn’t entirely understand what the big Scot near the doorway was saying to him, but the aggressive pointing and lecturing in his direction was enough for him to stop and bark back while being restrained by a security guard.
The MCC members were outraged — like the rest of the crowd — about the manner in which Australia’s Alex Carey had dismissed fellow wicketkeeper Jonny Bairstow.
At the end of an over, Carey had an underarm shy at the stumps and dismissed Bairstow, who had just dawdled out of his crease when the ball hit the wicket – stumped, not run out.
Jonny Bairstow leaves the field after the controversial dismissal in the second Test at Lord’s.Credit: Getty
Because the umpire had not signalled the end of the over, the ball wasn’t dead so the decision, under review from the third umpire, was upheld.
The MCC took control of the laws of cricket in 1788, the same year England dispatched its criminals to Botany Bay, blindly unaware that at some stage we would return via business class to show it how to play its own game.
I would’ve thought membership to the most famous club in cricket meant you understood the laws of cricket, not least the one we all get taught in primary school, when we are playing with bats heavier than us, about staying in your crease.
Branding Pat Cummins’ team “cheats” wasn’t just offensive – it was patently wrong. The first rule of MCC Fight Club is knowing the rules of the game.
The anger, it seems, is about Australia not adhering to the “spirit of the game”, a mythical and rubbery set of laws usually determined by which country you are supporting.
Australia captain Cummins is being savaged by the UK press for failing to call back Bairstow. Apparently, it reveals he’s not really the nice guy he makes himself out to be. Spare me.
He did show his inexperience, though, when asked if he’d be happy to win a match bowling the last ball underarm, as Trevor Chappell did more than 40 years ago as instructed by his captain and brother, Greg, in a one-day international against New Zealand in 1981.
“Depends how flat the wicket is,” Cummins said with a smirk. He needs to read the room — long or short — better than that.
It’s utterly ridiculous to put this incident into the same category as the underarm ball and the ball-tampering incident at Newlands, a cross Australian cricket will have to bear for eternity.
It’s mildly comparable to the “Mankad”, which involves the bowler knocking off the bails before bowling the delivery while the non-striking batter is out of their crease. Even then, it’s different because all-rounder Cameron Green had bounced Bairstow, and Carey reacted immediately.
“I think Carey saw it happening a few balls previously,” Cummins told Sky Sports on the field following Australia’s 43-run victory in reference to Bairstow walking out of his crease. “There’s no pause; you catch it and have a throw. I thought it was totally fair play. That’s how the rule is — I know some people might disagree a lot.”
Two former England players, former Test captain Andrew Strauss and former one-day captain Eoin Morgan, were comfortable with Carey’s actions but current skipper Ben Stokes took the high road, which is easily walked when you’ve lost.
“Would I want to win a game in that manner?” Stokes said. “The answer for me is ‘no’. When is it justified that the umpires have called over? Is the on-field umpires making movement, is that enough to call over? If the shoe was on the other foot, I would have put more pressure on the umpires and asked whether they had called over and had a deep think about the whole spirit of the game and would I want to do something like that.”
Never mind that Bairstow had earlier in the match flung the ball at the stumps when Australia’s No.3 Marnus Labuschagne was batting.
Never mind England had done something similar at the same venue the year before when Ollie Pope dismissed New Zealand opener Colin de Grandhomme in similar fashion after de Grandhomme strolled back to his crease during an LBW appeal.
Evidently, the laws and spirit of the game only apply when it suits.
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