The best and worst of sport in 2024: And that was only Raygun

Yes, it was a big deal in Oz, and the buzz likely pumped up the tyres of the NRL to begin the season. But when you put the stated claims of the venture up against reality, it was a dismal failure.

The average weekly viewership on US Fox Sports 1 during the previous 12 months was 325,000, according to US Television Database. But for the opening match of Sea Eagles and Rabbitohs, 61,000 tuned in, while there were just 44,000 for the Roosters-Broncos clash. It meant Fox Sports 1 dropped 80 per cent of its audience when the league came on.

But maybe we saw the beginning of huge inroads into the American gambling market, with Yanks starting to see the virtues of betting on games they knew nothing about? Nuh. Not even. As reported by the Herald, “multiple local gambling sources who were not authorised to speak publicly said turnover across the first two games was on par with usual trading”.

And yes, I would say that, wouldn’t I. So let’s have you, Shane Richardson, repeat what you said about it.

“F—ing disaster.”

Thank you, Shane, that will be all.

In sum?

In sum, with poor US TV ratings; bugger-all Americans attending the matches themselves; little media interest in local news; no interest in national US media, and no increase in gambling apparent, the whole thing felt like a fan jagging a selfie with Taylor Swift.

It’s the biggest day of the fan’s life, and good luck to that fan who will tell every detail of the encounter to anyone who will listen, for decades to come. But for Taylor Swift herself, and the US, it is instantly forgotten the moment the fan is gone.

Biggest beat-up of the year

Too easy, Campese.

That would be all the carry-on over the Australian cricket captain Pat Cummins saying Australia could maybe pick a better date for our day of national celebration than the one which commemorates our establishment as a colony which, ipso facto, was also the beginning of the dispossession of the people of the First Nations.

In fact, Cummins didn’t even go that far. He merely said the bleeding obvious: “I absolutely love Australia, it is the best country in the world by a mile and I think we should have an Australia Day, but I think we can probably find a more appropriate day to celebrate. Once you start realising Jan 26 and why it is chosen … Australia Day is meant to be a celebration of everything Australia and our history. [So] we could choose a better date.”

Happily, he was joined by Steve Smith.

“I was speaking to Scott Boland about this just the other day and as Australians, you want all Australians to celebrate that day. All Australians don’t, the way it is at the moment. Maybe that is the way forward, [changing it] to have all Australians celebrating on that day.”

All of it, was straightforward stuff, if not yet representative of the views of all of Australia, certainly a very common view of their generation – who get it, much better than older generations.

Tragi-comically both of them were then accused of everything up to treason by the trolls – some of whom making a living out of it – insisting they should hand back their Baggy Greens, etc.

Neither Smith nor Cummins blinked, confident of their position, as they should be. But when the modern equivalent of Dennis Lillee and Ian Chappell say the date should change, you can believe its days are numbered.

Best match of the year

No contest.

That was the Wallabies’ stupendous win over England at Twickenham in early November.

What a match! It was proof positive of your correspondent’s long-held theorem that, “While there is nothing so dull as a dull rugby game, there is nothing so thrilling as a great one”.

Friends? This was all that and more. It was superb rugby from both sides at an iconic venue, with England on the menu, and more twists and turns in the narrative than a Dickens novel. And it all came with a fabulous finish, where the goodies won in the end! What more do you want in your sport?

The first 20 minutes was a cavalcade of English jerseys charging towards the Australian line, reminiscent of the famous quip from an Irish fly-half in the late 1950s, who lamented being constantly bested by his English opponent Phil Horrocks-Taylor: “Horrocks went one way, Taylor the other and I was left holding the bloody hyphen.”

So it was with the Wallabies as every time they looked up, English back-rower Chandler Cunningham-South or winger Immanuel Feyi-Waboso was coming at them with verve in their swerve, pep in their step. They simply seemed unstoppable as the Wallabies were left holding the hyphen as Cunningham-South went over for two early tries for England to go to a 15-3 lead.

It looked like a long grim match was ahead, to start an even longer, grimmer tour.

But wait!

Seemingly against all odds, the Wallabies steadied, stopped the tide and even turned it, starting to make breaks themselves, led by the standout Wallaby in attack, defence, in the air, on the ground, in cooking and bottle-washing, was the 21-year-old on debut – ladies and gentlemen, give it up for – Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii!

But stay with us, as in the 84th minute of play, England is holding on to a 37-35 lead, and it seemed obvious that all Australia would have to console themselves at match’s end would be a very noble loss.

But, bugger that.

No-one told the Wallabies. From the last kick-off of the match, Suaalii again leapt high to see the Wallabies have one last chance with the ball in hand. It came to our inside centre Len Ikitau on the fly!

Charging down mid-field, Ikitau had young winger Max Jorgensen on his left and the English defence closing fast. Without even looking, Ikitau, slipped out a back-of-hand flick-pass to Jorgensen in space, who charged 40 metres towards the try-line, untouched, and still with enough chutzpah to lift a No.1 finger in the air even as he dived over for the winning try!

VICTORY to the Wallabies, 42-37!

Biggest disappointment of the year

Sadly, the Matildas.

They used to rule the world.

Seas would rise when they gave the word.

Now in the mornings they sleep alone.

Sweep the streets they used to own.

What happened? I am still not sure. But after an absolutely stunning performance at last year’s World Cup, this year everything just kind of fizzled, right when they had the world at their feet.

Boom-tish!

You will have noted, yes, that Frank Duckworth, co-creator of the Duckworth-Lewis-Stern method, famously used to work out who should win short-form cricket matches when they are weather-affected, has passed away aged 84? Well, I am advised that his co-founder, Anthony Lewis, is only going to have to live to 75 to beat him!

My favourite almost interview

Well I never. I mean it. Jamais!

Just before the Olympics started in Paris, TFF cracked an invite to the Elysee Palace to attend a reception hosted by French President Emmanuel Macron to welcome visiting journalists for the Olympics. Beneath the sparkling chandeliers, as we waited for his grand arrival, I was one of 300 or so journos hoovering up the world-class hors d’oeuvres. (I won gold. The Japanese, South Koreans and Chileans were in absolute awe of me. They don’t call me “Peter Hoover-Hands” for nothing. In this – alas, still – demonstration sport, I drained a large tray in 16.76 seconds, for an unofficial Olympics record.)

And here he is! With grand ceremony Macron makes his entrance with IOC President Thomas Bach, a few military types and the French Ministère des Sports.

After making an elegant speech, he moved along behind a golden rope to shake hands with the crush. And yes, there was a gaggle of those same diminutive South Korean and Japanese journos in front of me. But as this was a different discipline, Hoover-Hands changed tack and was able to use some mauling skills from long ago in such an insouciant manner – if I do say so myself – that Macron caught my eye, smiled, and asked: “Vous etes rugbyman?”

“Oui!”

We conversed for 90 seconds. I wanted to talk Kamala Harris, AUKUS and French submarines. He wanted to talk Serge Blanco, Patrice Lagisquet and about the French Rugby Championnat of the 1980s – which I played in for four years, with Brive. He was knowledgeable.

Just as we were finishing up, a small light bulb went off in my melon. See, I’m still haunted by something that happened early on New Year’s Day 1992, when I was very briefly face-to-face chatting with visiting US president George Bush at Scots College No.1 Oval, where he had gone for a jog. I had the idea to ask him if he would give me a ride back to the Ritz Carlton Double Bay – as Hunter S. Thompson had famously got a ride with President Nixon in the presidential limo in the late ’60s – but chickened out. I’ve reckoned ever since he might have said yes.

So, this time, what the hell?

“Ca serait possible, peut-etre,” I asked brightly, “d’avoir un interview avec vous, pendant les Jeux?”

“Oui,” he said immediately, and had his attaché de press give me her card to organise.

Rah!

I finished by telling him how he was still hugely celebrated in Australia for his response to a question from the editor of this paper, as to whether he thought our then prime minister Scott Morrison was lying about the reneged submarine contract, when he said, “I don’t think, I know”.

Macron nodded happily and smiled broadly again, saying gleefully: “Je sais.”

Loved him. True, the interview hasn’t taken place yet – we of the Herald were on strike when the first call came – but I live in hope!

Mixed metaphor of the year

Las Vegas Raider Davante Adams on claims that he’s not happy at his team: “At the end of the day, the facts are the facts and that is not a fact … If it ain’t from the horse’s mouth, it’s probably bullshit.”

World class!

Happy holidays

And so that’s it for another year. Thank you for your readership. As ever, I wish you health and happiness for the holiday season, and that someone will give you my latest book, this one on Albert Jacka VC! The sports editor also asked me to plug a book by his best mate, first-time author Colin Whelan, who has picked his favourite English soccer players from the 1960s and 1970s in a book called Super Squad. (I know, I know – but the sports editor says it’s very good, and I will take his word for it. If you need me, you shall find me between the flags on Newport Beach.

WHAT THEY SAID

Senator Jacqui Lambie at a rally in Hobart: “Tasmanians have had a gutful of your bloody stadium, and you can stick it up your bum!” I think she sounds sincere.

John Coates on Brissie pulling back on Olympic commitments: “If we don’t honour those arrangements there’s plenty of other countries that can say ‘why did you give it to Brisbane when they didn’t have all the venues?’” Not quite right, John. There were no other cities standing behind Brissie in the bid, remember? The Olympics had to go home with the only global city who turned up to the dance.

JackJumper Jack McVeigh on that shot: “To be honest, I’ve got almost absolutely no idea [what happened after the shot]. Apparently, I was interviewed after the game and I thought I was saying ‘I just want to win’ but I was saying ‘I want to shoot’.” He nailed it, with 1.2 seconds on the clock, to see his Tasmanian JackJumpers team beat Melbourne United in game three of the NBL finals.

US Masters winner Scottie Scheffler: “I mean, I believe that today’s plans were already laid out many years ago and I could do nothing to mess up those plans. I’ve been given a gift of this talent and I use it for God’s glory.” Historically, I think it’s fair to say that while it is one thing to be “God’s messenger”, being “God’s humble messenger” is a tad harder? Scheffler’s hubris would kill a brown dog.

Josh Schuster on league players: “At the end of the day, we’re human.” Josh? Get your best mate who is not a footballer, or even a football fan, to talk you through that quote.

LeBron James, on what’s wrong with the NBA whippersnappers these days: “The cars and the jewellery and all the other dumb shit that don’t matter. Means absolutely nothing. I see a lot of these young kids get so unfocused about stuff that is so material. Just worry about the game. If you worry about the game, everything will take care of itself.”

Cameron Smith after his team in LIV Golf, the Ripper GC, won at Adelaide: “This is unreal, a dream come true. We wanted it so much. We’ve been talking about it all year.” I call bullshit. The nature of dreams come true are dreams of decades past, not contrived nonsense invented by some sports marketeer.

Pat Cummins on the aftermath of the Jonny Bairstow run-out: “[Stuart] Broad saying, ‘Unfortunately, mate, that’s what you’ll be remembered for. I can’t believe you’ve done that’. And I’m like, ‘Oh Broady, because you’re such an upstanding citizen, mate, aren’t you’. He’s like, ‘Listen to the crowd, mate, listen to the crowd’ and I’m like, ‘Yeah they’re not my mates, mate’.”

Nick Faldo on the Rory McIlroy meltdown in the last few holes of the US Open, where he bogeyed three of the final four holes and missed short putts on the 16th and 18th to lose to Bryson DeChambeau: “That’s going to haunt Rory for the rest of his life, those two misses.”

Jon Rahm on his LIV Golf team, Legion XIII: “We’ve come a long way in a short period of time and are extremely proud of the team and brand we are building … I wanted to go down the warrior spirit mythology side. I was thinking Gladiator. We were thinking when the Spanish Armada in that aspect of history. Even though it sunk and failed miserably, the name is cool, right?” Honestly? Just shoot me. More appropriately, take my head off in Riyadh Square, Saudi Arabia.

Kansas City Chiefs coach Andy Reid when asked if they’re now a dynasty after winning three Super Bowls in five years: “I don’t know what a dynasty is. You guys have the thesaurus, so you can figure it out.”

Australian tennis player Jordan Thompson on winning his first ATP tournament after 11 years: “I spent so many hours on the court this week. In the quarter-final I could have been double bagelled, I could have been losing 6-0, 6-0 and now I’m about to lift the trophy, so I think it’s still a miracle. It’s been a journey. I’m nearly 30 and I’m lifting a trophy; I never thought I would do that.”

Alex De Minaur after he finally beat Greek nemesis Stefanos Tsitsipas: “I would like to say that no one beats me 11 times in a row. But, hey, Stefanos has had my number for a very long time, so I’m glad I was able to get one back.”

Albania substitute Klaus Gjasula after scoring for both teams in a 2-2 draw against Croatia at Euro 2024: “My first minutes on the pitch were very, very difficult for me, not only for the own goal but also other situations. Then God wanted and gave me the opportunity to score.” Good ol’ God!

Haumole Olakau’atu – NSW’s 19th man during Origing III – on why, despite being dressed in chinos and a navy suit jacket, he waded into the sideline melee: “There was more maroon than blue, so I was just being a friend. I wanted to help a brother out…” Oh. As you were then, and carry on!

AFL pundit David King: “At the end of the day we are a resultist industry.” Resultist? My head hurts, and I am going to go and have a little sleep.

Ariarne Titmus after winning the 400m freestyle in back-to-back Olympics: “I hope it goes to show, anyone can do what they want to do if they work hard and believe in themselves. And here I am, from little old Launie [Launceston], a town of 90,000, and I’m out here living the dream, so I hope that inspired kids back home.”

Jessica Fox on winning the kayak gold: “That was the most incredible moment of my life. I’ve been crying for the last 30 minutes. I was crying of stress and nerves sitting there.”

Steph Catley after the Matildas beat Zambia 6-5: “It was a … very eventful day.”

Bruce McAvaney on who is on the Australian Mount Rushmore of Olympians: “Emma [McKeon] is in the conversation. I’ve got Betty [Cuthbert], Dawn [Fraser] and Thorpey [Ian Thorpe] at the absolute top and in a week’s time, I think we’re going to talk about Arnie [Titmus] and Jess [Fox] in the same league.”

Eurosport commentator Bob Ballard, commenting, as the Australian women’s 4×100 metre relay team lingered a little on the pool deck: “Well the women are just finishing up. You know what women are like … hanging around, doing their makeup.” There was hell to pay.

Noemie Fox on winning gold, when for so long it has been her sister Jess making those headlines: “It feels surreal. It’s crazy that it’s mine. You don’t really dare to dream this big, but I really did this time, and I dared to dream to get to the Olympics and then to get to that final. When I saw at the last [stream gate] that I was first, it was just pure joy – there’s no words to describe that feeling – and the crowd just carried me through.”

Algerian boxer Imane Khelif: “I am a female. I want to tell the entire world that I am a female, and I will remain a female. I dedicate this medal to the world, and to all the Arabs and I tell you, ‘Long live Algeria.’ ”

IOC president Thomas Bach, providing strong leadership, just when it was needed: “Let’s be very clear here: we are talking about women’s boxing. We have two boxers who are born as a woman, who have been raised a woman, who have a passport as a woman, and who have competed for many years as women. And this is the clear definition of a woman. There was never any doubt about them being a woman. We will not take part in a, sometimes politically motivated, cultural war.”

Saya Sakakibara winning BMX gold – her BMX riding brother Kai had a crash in a race which caused a severe brain injury: “Those are the moments that made me really dig deep, really go internal and just find myself with BMX again.”

Commentator Gerard Whateley’s perspective on Jessica Hull winning a medal in the 1500m: “If she wins a medal here, I’ll make the case all day long that this is the best medal the Australians have won in Paris. Doesn’t matter what colour.” She got a mighty silver.

Adele, during a concert in Munich, to talk of Raygun: “I think it’s the best thing that’s happened in the Olympics the entire time: did anyone see the breakdancing lady? Now I didn’t know that breakdancing was even an Olympic sport these days. I think that’s f—ing fantastic. I really, really do … My favourite things that’s happened at the Olympics this whole time.”

English football star Jude Bellingham on Jude Bellingham: “Jude Bellingham is made up of amazing people, really. It is not just me who turns up and enjoys it like I do and just plays football, it is because I have such a great support network. My family, my friends, my teammates. Playing football is the easiest part.” Jude Bellingham. Jude Bellingham. Jude Bellingham. I don’t know about you, Jude Bellingham, but I just love saying the name, don’t you? Jude Bellingham!

Cleveland Browns quarterback Deshaun Watson on a rough day of the office: “I’ll always be Deshaun Watson, regardless of whoever else says otherwise.” That’s settled then.

Indiana Pacers guard TJ McConnell on a loss to the Knicks: “The ball didn’t bounce our way.” On a point of order, Your Honour, I don’t think this cliché works in b’ball?

Trainer Peter Moody on Black Caviar who passed away a day before her 18th birthday: “At the stables and at the races, she was all business and you didn’t want to be messing with her. At home, it was like you flicked the switch, and she was like a big teddy bear.” On Saturdays, she liked watching reruns of Mr Ed, and on Sundays putting her legs up and having a nap after lunch.

More Moody. “When she won her 13th race in Brisbane I actually stupidly said to Sarah my wife, ‘I can’t wait for her to get beat so it just becomes normal’. What a stupid thing to say, because it had built up that much. But that was where the pressure level was.” Who thinks Black Caviar sensed the pressure?

Ray Price, 71, on how his legendary Parramatta Eels side of the early ’80s would go against the modern Panthers: “Not a hope. They haven’t gone past us. I don’t think this Penrith side would beat my Parramatta side.” He’s going too far. It has to be remembered that Price, Peter Sterling, Mick Cronin, Brett Kenny et al, are in their 60s and early 70s now! (I am here till Thursday. Try the veal!)

Rugby league player David Nofoaluma carrying on: “A lot of times, people don’t realise we’re humans before athletes.” Exactly, David! If you prick us, do we not bleed?

Gold Coast Suns coach Damien Hardwick on people saying his move to the Suns was a done deal from the moment he left Richmond: “That’s society. I think we always look at the conspiracy theory, whether it’s COVID, JFK or whether it’s landing on the moon, there’s always going to be people that lend itself to that side.” There’s a clever line to be had here, turning on hubris, but I just can’t nail it on this instant. I’m sure Shakespeare, Dickens and Tolstoy had exactly the same problem.

TEAM OF THE YEAR

Jess Fox. Became the first Australian to win six individual Olympic medals and the eighth Australian to win three individual gold medals across any sport, joining Ian Thorpe, Dawn Fraser, Shane Gould, Betty Cuthbert, Murray Rose, Ariarne Titmus and Kaylee McKeown. She is TFF’s Sportsperson of the year, not just because of her sporting achievements, but because she is a very nice person, and there is not many of us left!

Gout Gout. AKA “Wow Wow”. Was the sporting revelation of the year. Just gone 17, and he’s very close to the fastest thing we have ever seen in this country. RAH!

Ariarne Titmus. They don’t call her “The Terminator” for nuttin’. Successfully defended her 400m gold.

Mollie O’Callaghan. With her first individual Olympic gold medal, she stopped being referred to as the swimmer with the flaming red hair.

Kaylee McKeown. Became the second woman in Olympic history to win consecutive 100m backstroke gold medals.

The Wallabies and Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii. Together, they saved the farm by beating England and Wales on the spring tour, and very bloody nearly beating Ireland. Most importantly they made us believe that next year, anything is possible!

Penrith Panthers. Best sports team in Australia right now. Period. First team to win four straight rugby league titles since the Dragons were just playing as St George.

Rory McIlroy. Dropped three shots on the last four holes – and his bundle – to let the US Open slip through his hands. And there we were thinking he and Greg Norman would never be able to find common ground?

The NSW Blues. That is that strange, eerie feeling you get when the Blues actually do win the Origin. It sort of feels like it’s against nature.

Twitter: @Peter_Fitz

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