Collingwood star Ash Brazill has opened up on her shock decision to retire at the end of this season, as she opts to put her young family first.
Brazill let her retirement slip last month off the cuff, but stands by the fact she’s making the right call – and preparing for a year-long adventure in the process.
“It feels like an easy one (to decide to retire) – it’s probably one (wife) Brooke and I have talked about for a long time,” she said on The 4th Quarter podcast.
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“Being in Melbourne, when I’m from Sydney and Brooke’s from WA, not having that family support now having the two (young kids), we’ve really felt that distance and not having that support.
“Now (eldest child) Louie being three, we’re thinking in two years, he’s going to be at school. Trying to put his name down at schools – is it Melbourne? Sydney? WA? There’s all those thoughts and questions.
“We know we want to be in WA.
“Pre-Louie going to school we always wanted to do a lap of Australia in a caravan – for that to be possible, the only year we can do that is next year.
“That was a priority – more than netball, more than footy.
“That means my netball career is over and I’m happy for it because I think I look at a lot of players who retire and they are either angry at the sport or it’s not their choice and their body’s not doing what they want it to do. After winning a gold medal with the Diamonds, that was the dream I wanted when I was a five-year-old kid.
“To now have that and think life outside netball and sport, is way more exciting to do this lap of Australia.
“I’m just ready, raring and can’t wait to get into my caravan.”
Brazill, who still remains a strong chance to represent Australia once more in the upcoming Netball World Cup in July after being selected in the 19-player Diamonds squad, said she’ll always be part of the Collingwood family.
“I don’t think you ever really say goodbye to Collingwood – once you’re in there, you’re stuck there,” she said.
Brazill paid tribute to her wife Brooke and the support she’s shown throughout her career after the couple made the decision as newlyweds to leave WA for the midcourter’s career.
“Everything was great and I loved Fever…. But I wasn’t getting better. I wasn’t making the Diamonds. There were probably moments I wasn’t loving netball,” she admitted.
“It came to that point in my career of what next?
“Brooke was always the breadwinner …. I remember I was having a bit of a breakdown like, what am I going to do? She said your netball career isn’t going to last forever … so we packed up and moved.
“She’s literally been my biggest supporter and biggest rock and allowed me to chase my dreams from the get go.”
Brazill also opened up on her journey as the first openly gay athlete in netball – and the fear she experienced coming out 15 years ago.
“At the time (of heading to Fever) I was semi out being gay, semi wasn’t out – no one knew me in WA. I could be me. There was no pretending I was someone else, so that was another tick (behind the move to WA),” she revealed.
“I felt like obviously my parents knew, my best friend knew, but feeling like people you’ve known for years … having to reintroduce yourself to and not know if they would accept you. That was probably the toughest thing – am I going to lose this person in a moment?
“It was the unknown.
“I think the biggest fear for my parents was by me being out, will I even get picked up in a team? Back then that’s probably how serious it was.
“Obviously my parents didn’t want that for me. It was a different world.”
Brazil said it was a conversation with former NSW Swifts teammate Catherine Cox that put her mind at ease in a netball setting.
“I was an 18-year-old kid and Coxy was my idol and I remember opening up to her about (how) I feel uncomfortable going into the change rooms when everyone’s getting dressed – and not because I’m looking – but I didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable that I was looking … and she’s like, ‘Do not be stupid. No one cares. Everyone’s fine’,” Brazill recalled.
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“For me at the time, hearing that from someone you look up to and love… it meant I could be me in the space that I love and not have to hide who I am.”
Speaking ahead of this week’s Inclusion Round clash, the Collingwood midcourter said she believed netball had made progress, but there was still work to do.
“I was too scared of losing anyone,” she revealed.
“I chose to be happy – I couldn’t live a lie for any longer. I couldn’t go to sleep crying for the rest of my life.
“It’s crazy to think as a 17-year-old I made that decision.
“Obviously I had amazing parents that made me believe in myself at such a young age.
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“I didn’t want to be a role model, I just wanted to be me. I didn’t want to be the gay athlete or the first out netballer – I didn’t want any of that.
“I think we’ve made a big leap – even just to have a pride game is unbelievable. A shoutout to the Firebirds – that game wouldn’t even be possible without them stepping into that space.
“I still think we have a long way to go.
“You don’t have to be a typical looking netballer. I think we are getting there, we’re just not over the mountain yet.”
