If you had a chance to say one thing to your dying parent, what would it be? It might be an opportunity to talk about one last favourite memory, maybe a chance to say goodbye, I love you.
For Mark Hensby, he only wanted to know why he led a life trying to avoid his abusive father.
“I just asked him a simple question,” Hensby says. “Why did you treat us the way you treated us?”
Hensby takes a deep breath.
“His only answer was, ‘that’s all I knew’. Well, unfortunately that wasn’t good enough for me.”
It was the last time he looked his father in the eye.
Mark Hensby celebrates a putt on the 18th hole during the Invited Celebrity Classic last week.Credit: Getty
For most of his childhood, Hensby would try to do anything but have to look his father in the eye.
He would set his alarm so early he would leave the family house in Tamworth before 5am, which was the time his father usually returned home from night shift. He often sought sanctuary at houses of friends outside of school hours, where he said being able to walk in the front door was a blessing.
“I felt like I was on a holiday,” Hensby says. “There was no animosity.”
By evening, Mark would often make sure he didn’t return home until his father had left for work again. If he couldn’t get the timing right, there was no thought imagining what the consequences might be.
“When you lived in it for so long, I didn’t [know different],” says Hensby, the Australian professional golfer who scored his first win on the PGA’s Champions Tour last week. “What my brothers and I went through, it’s difficult. I have good weeks and bad weeks. Sometimes I get really down and other times I do everything I can not to. It was definitely a tough upbringing you wish you didn’t have, but it’s something you’ve got to deal with.
“Having my own boys, I’ve struggled a lot over the last 10 years thinking back about things and getting emotional about things. Even today, I still do. I just made sure I’d never be like that.”
Like so many, Hensby tried to find salvation in sport. He played a nine-hole social game of golf with a friend as a pre-teenager and became hooked. His desire to escape to the United States as quickly as he could to capitalise on his burgeoning talent had its ups, and plenty of downs.
While he argues some stories of his struggles have been exaggerated, he can’t argue there was a time when he was between homes and he would sleep in his car if he couldn’t sneak a spare bed upstairs in a clubhouse. One morning, the range manager found him almost frozen in his car at a course in Illinois.
Mark Hensby with son Chase after he won the John Deere Classic in 2004.Credit: AP
The story got media traction, and ever since he’s been one of the most maligned, and misunderstood, golfers in Australia. His career spiked at world No.27 in 2005, the same year he finished in the top five at The Masters and US Open after winning the John Deere Classic the previous year. In 2006, Hensby had a car crash after picking up his eldest child, Chase, from school. Chase was airlifted to hospital and made a full recovery. Mark’s golfing career was never quite the same.
But more importantly, he was always fighting the battle of trying to deal with his oppressive upbringing.
As a father himself, he has learnt about compassion and patience with two boys. His youngest son, Caden, hadn’t spoken by the age of four. It wasn’t until it was pointed out to him by a family friend, who was a doctor, that they might need to seek medical opinion about autism, that reality set in.
“We didn’t even think about it, we just thought he’s going to be a late talker,” Hensby says. “I explained to [the friend], ‘hey, I’m a bit surprised he hasn’t said a word’. And he said, ‘yeah, he’s on the spectrum, right?’ I go, ‘what?’ That’s kind of how we found out. We had no idea.
“It’s changed my life completely, as a person and educating myself. I’m just so proud of [Caden] and seeing his accomplishments. Even if it’s just little ones that he goes through. It’s so commendable, and he has to do so much more than another kid.
“To be honest, people say, ‘it must be hard’. It is hard, but it’s so rewarding. I’ve seen the progress he’s made and it’s changed my life, it’s changed my wife’s [Kim] life and it’s something I really enjoy watching every day.”
Last year, Kim spoke to Hensby about spending more time to help with the family as his professional career was fizzling out.
But at Christmas, Hensby, now 51, and Kim decided he should have a crack at the Champions Tour, pegging it up against and beating the likes of Retief Goosen, Stuart Appleby, Fred Funk, Vijay Singh and Colin Montgomerie last week. He won the tournament and $455,000, but more than that he found the courage to open up about his abused past.
“I used to always tell myself in the back of my mind, ‘no one has been through what I’ve been through to get to where I am now. You deserve this’,” Hensby says.
“Now, I tell [Caden] love him every day. I don’t want to be remembered for anything other than I worked my arse off and they can say, ‘my dad was awesome and he loved us’. That’s all I want in my life. And if a story like mine can help people, that’s what life is all about now.”
