Michael Hooper has revealed he does not know if he will captain the Wallabies again after stepping away from rugby to focus on his mental health.
The 121-Test back rower said an acute bout of homesickness, combined with other “mindset” issues and the reality of facing the end of his career, all came to a head on the eve of Australia’s Test against the Pumas in Argentina in August, prompting him to pull out of the match and head home for a two-month break.
A relaxed but at times uncertain Hooper said he was excited to have rejoined the squad for the Wallabies’ five-Test spring tour, but “realistic” about what challenges might lie ahead.
“Knowing that last time I was in here it didn’t quite work out. I’m back putting myself in this position because I want to be here,” he said. “I’ve got great support around me here and I’m realistic that there’s going to be some really good days and there’s going to be some days where the reality of travel and rugby are difficult. I think that’s part of the journey of what we do, that whole rollercoaster.”
Prop James Slipper has taken over the captaincy in Hooper’s absence and will continue in the role for the forseeable future. Hooper hinted he may prefer to hand the mantle to the next generation ahead of next year’s World Cup.
“What I’ve learned is [next year] is a long way away. We’re talking about this tour and this tour for me is, selfishly, getting back on the park and earning my way back into the team and getting back to a good standard of football,” he said. “Then on the team side of things I do have a wealth of experience in this outfit and I want to be able to pass that on to younger guys like Slips and Allan [Alaalatoa] and [coach Dave Rennie] and the coaching staff too.”
‘Realistic’: Michael Hooper says he is taking his return day by day.Credit:Flavio Brancaleone
Hooper’s sudden withdrawal shocked fans and the Wallabies, from his teammates to the coaches, none of whom saw the crisis coming. The four-time John Eales Medal winner has put in an uninterrupted 10-year stint in the gold jersey marked by consistently excellent performances. He spoke plainly about how difficult it was to approach Rennie when he knew he wasn’t right.
“I’ve got high expectations of myself. Pulling out of a game is certainly right up there with something I couldn’t have seen myself doing. Of course it was hard,” he said.
“I’d been playing the game for a long time, had some great changes in my life happen this year and I think there were a lot of things running through my head that showed up in Argentina. Argentina wasn’t the place where I could sort those things out. I wanted to be around family, I wanted to be in a place that I could put the time in that I wanted to put in,” he said.
“That doesn’t mean now that I’m sitting here completely cured, it’s not like that at all. But at that point in time I needed to be somewhere else and that wasn’t Argentina. I know that’s quite vague but I’m still getting my head around it. It’s not that long ago. But I’m feeling in a place now where I’m keen to be here.”
Michael Hooper says he missed competing during his two-month break. Credit:Getty
Hooper admitted he had sought “all types” of help to navigate an unprecedented period of uncertainty in his long and decorated career, including therapy, self-help books and the “amazing” support of his wife, Kate.
“As a younger man I viewed asking for help as a bit of a weakness. That’s the way I viewed it. You want to feel like you have it all worked out. I certainly didn’t,” he said, suggesting he rarely took the time to check in with his mental health. “The beautiful thing about rugby and the hard thing about sport is there’s always the next goal, so you can move on and you can move on quick.”
This year Hooper has often referenced retirement positively, leading to speculation he will retire from Test rugby after the World Cup and potentially take a deal in Japan. The 30-year-old said that transition, whenever it comes, played on his mind in the lead up to Argentina.
“It came around suddenly,” he said. “It was probably exacerbated being overseas but certainly, where I’m at in my career and things like that, you start to look at post rugby (life), I’ve got a family now. There’s a lot more elements than being a 22-year-old pretty much concerned about yourself. That played into it. I think it’s only natural that as an athlete there’s going to be a transition point in my career, and that was a factor.”
Watch all the action from the Wallabies’ Spring Tour with every match streaming ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport. Kicks off this Sunday with Scotland v Wallabies from 3:10am AEDT.
