Michael Hooper has not closed the book on captaining the Wallabies again but, for now, simply wants to rally in behind James Slipper and get back to enjoying his rugby.
The Wallabies’ most-capped captain shocked the world when he withdrew from Australia’s tour of Argentina at the start of the Rugby Championship and missed the entire six-Test tournament citing “mindset issues”.
Three months on, Hooper said he was “not right” and while he admits he is far from “cured” has rejoined the Wallabies for their five-Test end of season Spring Tour, which gets underway against Scotland at Murrayfield on October 30.
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Speaking publicly for the first time since his sudden withdrawal, Hooper was calm, measured, and his usual personable self as he opened up on his inner feelings that led to him asking for time away from the game.
“I’d been playing the game for a long time, had some great changes in my life happen this year and I think there was a lot of things running through my head that sort of showed up in Argentina,” Hooper told reporters on Monday from their World Cup training base just outside Lyon, where the Wallabies are spending a week to get an early insight into the village that they will be based at for next year’s tournament in France.
“Argentina wasn’t the place where I needed or was able to sort those things out. I wanted to be around family, I wanted to be in a place that I could put the time into those things I needed to put in.
“And that doesn’t mean that I’m sitting here now completely cured.
“It’s not like that at all, it’s just that at that point in time I needed to be somewhere else and that wasn’t Argentina.
“I know that’s quite vague but I’m still getting my head around it.
“It’s not that long ago but I’m feeling at a place now where I’m keen to be here.”
After tying the knot last year, Hooper had a child earlier this year and said homesickness was a contributing factor.
“We travel a lot and that’s part of the amazing things about what we do but it’s tough,” the 121-Test veteran said.
“It’s difficult at times and that’s great.
“It’s recognising that is OK and it’s part of the human experience to want to be somewhere else.
“But duty calls for you to be in a certain place.”
Hooper revealed he had been struggling for some time and said it was “hard” breaking the news to Wallabies coach Dave Rennie.
“I’ve got high expectations for myself, and pulling out of a game is certainly right up there with something I couldn’t have seen myself doing,” he said.
“So of course, it was hard.”
Hooper is by no means the first sporting star to take time away from the game.
Japanese tennis grand slam winner Naomi Osaka withdrew from the French Open last year citing mental health struggles.
While former England playmaker Jonny Wilkinson revealed he battled anxiety and depression following his World Cup triumph in 2003.
What shocked many about Hooper’s withdrawal was the suddenness of it all, and the silent battle with many of teammates and close friends caught off guard.
Indeed, the 30-year-old said as a younger man he viewed “asking for help as a bit of a weakness.”
“You want to feel like you have it all worked out. I certainly didn’t,” he said.
Hooper said at no stage did he consider hanging up the boots for good, but admitted he had to readjust his return date.
“From getting home, I started, as you do as an athlete, you start putting in a plan to get back, and that didn’t quite work for me,” he said.
“Initially, I said I want to be back by this time … putting that, not pressure on myself, but that expectation on myself that I would be right by a certain point didn’t work.”
Allowing himself to play without the burden of captaincy is in large part why the decision was made for Slipper to continue leading the side.
“He (Slipper) supported me for a long time and he was an amazing person throughout my whole captaincy,” said Hooper, who has been joined by his parents, wife and child on the tour.
“He’s got my utmost support however he needs.
“This is very much a fluid, moving thing, and the decision just felt quite natural in the end, to get on this tour and to not have the level of responsibility that I potentially had previously and to be able to focus on myself.”
He plans on competing for a place in next year’s World Cup squad, with the French tournament looming as his international swansong.
“The World Cup is certainly a great cherry,” he said.
“But why I play, I love competing, I love being part of this team, and it’s not a forever thing and I watched the games and there was some things I missed about being in the environment and they were about competing,
“I missed watching the games and being out there and being with the team and representing and that stuff, so that was the lure to get back to and try and realise my potential in the game.”
