Toby Greene and his wife had their first baby early last year. Greene also had about the worst year of his career on the field.
While the arrival of Isla on the eve of the season was the best moment of Greene’s life, for him, the two things were unfortunately connected. That is not a lament, it is recognition of an underappreciated fact for many athletes, male or female, about the correlation between new parenthood and performance.
The impact can be significant and profound but is also not universally detrimental.
Patrick Cripps and his wife had their first child last year too and their families, like Greene’s, lived interstate – so they were without a family network of assistance. Cripps had the best year of his career and if the Brownlow Medal were to be the gauge (it shouldn’t be), it was the best year by any footballer ever.
“I didn’t think about it until it happened,” Greene said.
Dual Brownlow winner Patrick Cripps.Credit: Getty Images
“It certainly takes a toll, depending on how your baby sleeps, really. The first couple of months is really hard, as all parents would know, and then I feel like we are in a really good space now, with a great routine.
“It’s always great having family around when we can, so I’m loving it, and hopefully she’s old enough now to half know what’s going on, so I’m looking forward to bringing her along.
“It’s certainly harder [with both families interstate]. There’s no shying away from it. There’s a few boys here [from interstate] that have kids … that would know all about it. So it is what it is, you have just got to try and manage the best you can and work through.
“Definitely. No doubt about it [becoming a new parent affected my form]. But I felt really good by the end of the season. You feel really bad if you’re not helping [at home] as well. So it’s just about managing it and trying to find what works for you. But we’re in a great routine now, so hopefully that continues.
“We won’t have the second one this year, I’ll give you the hot tip!”
Patrick Dangerfield and his wife Mardi, who had their third child last year, said the effects of parenthood were under-recognised as an influence on athletes of all genders.
The life of an AFL footballer, like most other professional sportspeople, is selfish. The demands of training, nutrition and sleep are often anathema to a balanced family life.
“Parenthood is the biggest life change anyone has, and you combine that with a job that requires physical preparation, and it is enormous,” Dangerfield, the Geelong captain and head of the AFLPA, said.
“Everyone talks about sleep being the most important thing for recovery for an athlete, [but] you can kiss that goodbye after you have a kid or kids.”
Workers of all genders and in all fields battle with the tension between doing a fair share of the hard hours of new parenting and turning up to perform at work. In a job that requires peak physical performance, that tension is more acute.
Dangerfield said people fell into cliches about priorities. While in moments of crisis, undoubtedly family is the first and only concern, in the mundanity and routine of regular family life it is trite to parrot “family comes first” in all situations.
“Football is what you are paid for. People say family always comes first, but that’s not true in certain circumstances. In the cut and thrust of day-to-day life you can’t just stay home with the family, you have to work, you have to do other things which are also for the family. It’s not family coming first, footy does, because that is also important for the family.
The Dangerfields with their three children.Credit: Casey Bell – supplied by Mardi Dangerfield
“It’s a balance and the reality is this is the job we do.
“You are prioritising sleep because you have a game to play and that is your job. It’s a hugely tough job for the girls because so much more falls to them. I have seen plenty of teammates without family support and I am just in awe of them.
“The selfless part comes from my wife. I had no idea what I was doing (when they had George, who is now aged 7) and neither did she, but she was so much better at working it out and being the selfless one. The second time (Felicity, 5) around we were better prepared.”
Their youngest, Winnifred, is now 1.
Cripps said it was difficult navigating life with a new child with no family in Melbourne but he and wife Monique found a rhythm.
“It’s definitely a shock to the system, but I feel like me and my wife just had really a clear expectations of each other, good communication,” last year’s Brownlow medallist said.
Patrick Cripps celebrate a goal and the birth of his baby daughter earlier this week.Credit: AFL Photos
“I felt like we sort of found a way. I found a groove about a month in and had a good routine.
“My wife did a lot of the heavy lifting, though. Koda is 10 months now so it’s been great. As everyone says, it’s challenging, but it’s so rewarding as well.
“We’re both flying solo over here in Melbourne, so that’s probably the toughest thing, but we’re lucky enough to spend a lot of off-season back in Perth.
“It’s funny because I actually probably went the other way and played the best footy of my career after having a kid. So I’ll probably thank Koda for it.
“But in a way, we were lucky she slept pretty well. She actually helped me strip back my life a bit where I said no to a lot more things than I probably would have committed to before.
“It’s probably more the off-field commitments that being captain of a bigger club you can say no to a few more things just because you realise that you’d rather be home spending time with your family. It definitely has its challenges. But for me, I’ve sort of had a great experience with it.
Demons captain Max Gawn said he was fortunate that his first child, George, was a good sleeper. The jury is out so far on George’s new younger brother Louis.
“George is an incredible sleeper, so that helps. I’ve got a new one, I call him The New Kid because we’re not best friends yet, but Louis just decides to wake up every single night so he might be a bit tougher this year. But I’ve got an incredible wife and mother of the two boys that does take a bit of the heavy load in that case,” Gawn said.
As Dangerfield said: “It’s bloody hard”.
“It challenges you. It challenges your relationships, your tolerance, everything. It is all part of it, and it doesn’t get easier with more kids,” he said.
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