Aussie Olympic champion Alicia Coutts has revealed all about the darkest moments of her ongoing body-shaming hell.
The 35-year-old elected to go public with her battle this week in an attempt to help others facing similar issues with body image and depression.
The three-time Olympian has told The Courier-Mail of her mental health spiral and feeling “disgusting” as her weight reached 102.5kg last year.
Coutts has bravely spoken about the trauma she experienced during her swimming career —something she continues to confront.
The eight-time Commonwealth Games gold-medalist, who retired from the sport in 2016, says she was made to participate in additional boot camp training sessions if she was judged to be “overweight”.
She has now revealed recent allegations made against Swimming Australia and the organisation’s highly-publicised internal review into the treatment of female athletes brought up all the mental demons Coutts confronted during her career.
The Swimming Australia report, released in January, 2022, included recommendations for skin-fold tests to be banned and for the term “large thighs” to be prohibited in the high performance program.
Coutts has written on Instagram the Swimming Australia episode further triggered anxiety and depression attacks she has experienced in the past 15 months.
“That became a big burden on my shoulders,” Coutts told The Sunday Mail.
“It brought up a lot of things about how, even though I was in the shape of my life, you put on a couple of kilos and people were judging you on that.
“I was made to do a lot of extra things – like running and boot camps because I was considered to be overweight, or my skinfolds were not good enough. We were made to weigh in all the time to make sure I was at a certain weight. Things like that.”
She said body image shaming was an issue for her even at the peak of her career where she swam at around the 70kg mark.
The mother of three gained 30kg during her first pregnancy and suffered severe abdominal separation while also confronting the gaping hole that was left in her life following retirement.
Coutts, who is now an ambassador for IsoWhey health supplements, said she reached a turning point in October after being unable to recognise herself as she looked in the mirror.
“Going from being that full-time athlete, life was all about being fit and healthy and in good shape, to having kids and putting on that weight and not looking the way that you used to look – it became a real negative for me,” she said.
“I found it really hard to get out of that hole which obviously saw me put on a lot of weight. I was feeling really down and depressed and I just really wanted to get fit and healthy again. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I hated just feeling like I didn’t know who I was anymore.
“There’s nothing worse than your five-year-old saying mummy you have a fat tummy.”
A Swimming Australia spokesman told the newspaper the organisation “unreservedly apologise for the system that let her down in the past” and had committed in recent years to changing that system.
Coutts was able to lose 5kg in the short period before the holiday season after linking with IsoWhey.
Coutts has now taken to Instagram to call out “smart ass” comments she received while sharing her story.
“Thank you to those who have given me so much support this past few days following my story,” she wrote.
“It’s sad that some people feel it’s ok to kick someone when they are already down. I shouldn’t feel like I need to defend myself but here i am doing just that. I have struggled with my mental health the past 15 months. This is due to things that happened in my past when I was swimming, these things have become a trigger for me to the point where I begin to physically shake, I struggle to breathe and become overwhelmed with severe anxiety.
“I shared my story in the hope I could help others who are struggling, to let them know that they can move past these dark times, to show them that I am human and I’m vulnerable too.
“Remember that people have feelings, while something may not seem like a big thing to you, it can be a mountain to climb for others. Maybe think of the feelings of others before you make a smart ass comment. You have no idea of what someone has gone through in their life time. Don’t be so quick to judge.”
An earlier Instagram post last month showed how far she has already come.
